After passing her eighth anniversary on Mars earlier this week, the exploration rover Opportunity has started sending passive-aggressive and snide remarks to Earth about her growing disillusionment over not finding “some kind of alien monster civilization, or even a vaguely alien monster-shaped trilobite” as she was promised.
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Teachers’ union SADTU has slammed the poor quality of the go-slow underway in the Eastern Cape, saying that some teachers are working “almost as fast as snails” in direct violation of SADTU’s call that they work “as fast as bricks”. Meanwhile physicists say they may have witnessed another violation, this time of the Law of Conservation of Momentum, as some teachers cease to move even on a molecular level.
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The DA Students Organisation on Monday unveiled a controversial new recruitment poster vowing to work tirelessly for a future South Africa in which two consenting adults of different races are permitted to have sexual intercourse. “This is just the beginning,” said DASO councillor Feetus Sprogg. “Next step: benches everyone can sit on.”
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Outraged homosexuals and people who have passed grade three have hit out at King Goodwill Zwelithini following a speech in which he described gays as being rotten. One critic of the king suggested that Zwelithini was probably well placed to comment, saying that a grown man who dressed in leopard print skirts, feather hats, elaborate beaded necklaces and who surrounded himself with half naked warriors was probably more of a queen than a king anyway.
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Italian sports-car manufacturer Maserati has described as “groundbreaking and chassis-bending” reports that Khulubuse Zuma, who his own gravitational field, was allegedly clocked at 181kmh in his convertible on the weekend. Meanwhile President Zuma’s nephew has defended his driving, saying his was practising for when the workers wise up and he has to get the hell out of Dodge.
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Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22 This week you will discover how eerily similar the circumstances of your birth were to those of Simba, the Lion King. You too were born in Africa and you... Read more
With the war in Iraq two years old and home-front morale flagging, US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld went on a charm offensive in Washington, launching the ill-fated “We’re... Read more
