Following a meteor impact in New Tristram, and a subsequent demonic invasion in the early hours of Tuesday morning, townsfolk have denounced video game developer Blizzard for breaching a 12-year peace in the region. “Damn it!” said blacksmith Haedrig Eamon. “We’d just started putting our lives back together after the last onslaught of the Burning Hells, and now this! Give us a goddamned break!”
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Tuesday’s stoning at the hands of COSATU has reportedly prompted the DA to reconsider the methods it uses to attract black voters. According to a party spokesperson DA thinkers made the breakthrough when they realized that black people didn’t only identify with toyi-toying and singing. “They also like BMW’s, Breitlings and cognac,” he said.
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In the wake of the violence at Tuesday’s DA march to protest against Cosatu’s stance on a youth wage subsidy, the opposition party has announced that they will wage war against the unions. “This is not a figure of speech,” said media liaison Coco Nutella. “You strike a DA member, you strike a beautifully-crafted yet sturdy Carrol Boyes paperweight.”
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As South Africans continue to adjust to new levels of ridiculousness in political and social life, researchers have revealed that the country is in fact a giant ‘Truman Show’-type television experiment, scripted by increasingly desperate B-grade writers. “We were watching the news one night and someone said, ‘Who’s writing this shit?’,” said one researcher. “And that’s when we realized we were onto something.”
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Supporters of FW De Klerk say that his apparent defence of apartheid’s “separate development” policies was in fact a reference to the normal, organic separate development of politicians’ brains and consciences. However, doctors say they are concerned about an epidemic of “apartheid Alzheimers” decimating elderly Nationalists, with many sufferers having no memory of “how much kak they caused”.
Read more →Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 You wish things could be different this week, but if wishes were horses then beggars would ride. And frankly that would just be weird, having Arabian... Read more
With the war in Iraq two years old and home-front morale flagging, US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld went on a charm offensive in Washington, launching the ill-fated “We’re... Read more
