Hayibo.com - Pod of beached SABC board members put out of misery

Pod of beached SABC board members put out of misery

CAPE TOWN. Shocked onlookers crowded a Cape Town beach this morning as desperate attempts to save the half-dozen remaining SABC board members failed. The blubbery mammals, disoriented and out of their depth, had been flailing wildly for days, and in the final minutes began to spew bile out of their blowholes instead of the hot air the spouted while in their prime.

Marine- and telecommunications experts say the board members, examples of the rare whale species Perpetua Gravytrainus Incompetens, had apparently rammed themselves onto the rocky shoals intentionally.

They could suggest no possible reason for this highly self-destructive behaviour, although they said that elevated levels of blubber were detected in their bloodstream.

"It's always tempting to project human emotions onto the wild creatures of the deep," said marine biologist Aquarius Vilakazi.

"If they were humans we'd probably say that this was an incredibly stupid act that could easily have been averted if they hadn't been so pig-headed and arrogant, or quite so bloated.

"But of course they're not humans. They're bureaucrats, which means that ideas of free will and self-control aren't applicable."

As onlookers stared with the expressions of outrage, nausea and disbelief that they usually reserved for 3-Talk With Noeleen, Parks Board officials put an end to the suffering of the remaining Board members with a single bullet to their brains, or in same cases, nine or ten bullets when it proved impossible to find a brain.

Etv was on hand to shove a camera directly into the bullet wound, but lost interest quickly as there were no sobbing family members nearby to interrogate.

"It was the humane thing to do," said Parks Board official and one of the shooters, Bossies Grensvegter. "It was really quite heartbreaking. As I got close one of them it blinked its stupid little eye at me and whispered, 'Dissolve us!'"

He said it was a sad end for "wild and noble" creatures that once ranged freely across the vast and murky depths of the public broadcasting ocean.

He added that the board members would probably be turned into sushi or glue.

The beaching is just the latest drama to unfold off the coast of South Africa, coming weeks after the discovery of the even more enormous carcass of the SABC itself.

The rotting behemoth had apparently been feasted upon by scavengers and voracious bacteria for a number of years before anyone realised that it was in danger.

However, its putrid odour was so strong it could even be smelled on television.