Hayibo.com - Swazi King threatens to marry innocent bystanders as Obama lands in Africa

Swazi King threatens to marry innocent bystanders as Obama lands in Africa

MBABANE. As US President Barack Obama arrives in Ghana for his first official visit to Africa, King Mswati of Swaziland has threatened to marry any Swazi woman who tries to scream for help. Meanwhile in Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe has ordered the Adult Diapers of State to be dry-cleaned in case Obama visits. So far Obama has no plans to visit.

This morning White House officials said that Obama was excited to be in Ghana, but conceded that his visit had "spontaneous".

According to an aide, President Obama had been en route from Washington DC to California to a hug a redwood when he accidentally diverted Air Force One to Africa.

"As far as we can tell, President Obama was practicing his presidential signature on a piece of paper that turned out to be our flight plan," said the aide.

"I guess 'Obama' looked a lot like 'Ghana', so here we are."

He said that the President was in high spirits despite having had to "speak sternly" to some of his senior cabinet members who thought the African nation of Djibouti was in fact called Da Booty and was populated entirely by young women in gold bikinis.

Meanwhile the arrival of Obama in Ghana has caused a flurry of activity amongst sub-Saharan dictators.

This morning King Mswati of Swaziland told the women of his tiny medieval country that if any of them tried to scream to Obama for help he would marry them all.

Swaziland's main exports are HIV-Aids and misogyny, and the King explained that he did not want either industry threatened by "misguided notions in our women's otherwise empty heads that a better life awaits them in the harem of the Yankee seducer".

Mswati is already married to around 87 percent of Swaziland's women, and said he was not concerned that his wives would try to scream for help, mainly because he had chloroformed them this morning and would revive them as soon as Obama had left Africa.

However he said that the remaining 13 percent of the country's women should not test his mercy, adding that he was "man enough to have them all".

"I will marry them all, no matter how they cry and beg and scream," he said. "I'm used to that stuff by now. As long as they avert their eyes, and call me 'Daddy' or 'King Spanky' or sometimes 'The Lord God Almighty' depending on the vibe, they will learn that I am a good husband."

Meanwhile in Zimbabwe government insiders have confirmed that Robert Mugabe has ordered the Adult Diapers of State to be dry-cleaned and starched in case Obama decides to visit Zimbabwe for a surprise endorsement of fake democracy and the triumph of evil.

"Comrade Robert Gabriel Mugabe cannot afford any embarrassing mishaps," explained aide Skidmarks Mwariri.

"International diplomacy is sensitive enough without the sudden injection of revolutionary poo onto the agenda."

Officially Mugabe is 85 human years old, although exorcists and archaeologists put his true age at anywhere between 400 and 850 years.

Mugabe has always been proud of his excellent health, and has attributed it to avoiding direct sunlight, garlic and holy water since the 17th Century.