Hayibo.com - Zuma love child: President pledges 500,000 jobs for midwives, nappy factories

Zuma love child: President pledges 500,000 jobs for midwives, nappy factories

NKANDLA. Reacting to allegations that he has fathered a child out of wedlock, President Jacob Zuma has urged South Africans to practice safe, monogamous sex, and to do as he says rather than as he does. Meanwhile he has vowed to create 500,000 jobs, mostly for midwives and workers in nappy factories.

"Always wear a condom," said Zuma. "Unless you are a sex-machine stud-muffin who has been given a blank cheque from the electorate."

As Presidency interns tried to source morning-after pills from nearby chemists, Zuma reaffirmed his commitment to paying lip service to the fight against sexism and the creation of a respectful society.

"Only have one partner," he said. "At a time."

He urged South Africans to be faithful to one special person, giving them trust, emotional support and respect, until they got bored and wanted to hump someone else.

"We must double our moral standards," said Zuma. "Double standards. That is what I am asking for."

He also took the opportunity to promise another 500,000 jobs in 2010. The last time Mr Zuma promised 500,000 jobs the economy lost R2 million; but this morning the President assured the country that he would personally create 500,000 jobs, mostly for midwives and nappy manufacturers.

He added that South Africa would soon be a world leader in producing "the most valuable raw material of all: people".

"Critics say our education system is failing to fuel our economy," said Zuma. "This is simply not true. Every year it produces 500,000 new baby-makers, who in turn pump millions of rands into the diaper industry."

He had special praise for those school-leavers who left formal education before completing Grade 7, saying that they had proven to be superb baby-makers who provided "countless" jobs for grandmothers, pension officials, Child Welfare, and, every Christmas and New Year, the NSRI.