Hayibo.com - Jesus return "serious threat" to Zuma

Jesus return "serious threat" to Zuma

PRETORIA. Having told his supporters in October that the ANC would "rule until Jesus returns", party president Jacob Zuma has admitted that he is concerned by the claims of various fundamentalist Christian groups that the Messiah is likely to return some time this year, ending ANC rule before the 2009 election.

"Obviously at this point we need to consider Jesus a serious threat to ANC hegemony," said senior Zuma advisor, Rapture Ngwenya.

"We also need to question whether the picture that has been painted of him in the white-run media as a Redeemer and a Prince of Peace is accurate," he added.

"To the best of my knowledge, none of the disciples who wrote the gospels were African. Africans are incapable of racism. Racism exists. Therefore all racism is the product of non-African culture. Therefore all non-Africans are racists. And all racists are capable of genocide. Need I go on about your so-called Lambs of God?"

Asked if he was suggesting that the disciples of Jesus were genocidal racists, he warned the white-run media not to twist his words.

"Let me be quite clear," said Ngwenya. "Comrade JZ will never deny that he admits to conform to the nonconformist rejection of the assertion that racist whites, and not non-racist non-whites, are not behind the media's alleged campaign to disprove the media's involvement in trying to imply implicit allegations of complicit deniability in this issue."

However, he said, speaking as both an ANC stalwart and a devout Christian, his own conscience was clear.

"I love Jesus, as my Lord and Saviour," said Ngwenya. "He shed His blood that JZ might be president. He is my alpha and my omega.

"But if He came back tomorrow and tried to end ANC rule, I would take a flame-thrower to His meek cheek-turning ass, that's for damn sure."

Meanwhile the small group of fundamentalists who made the startling allegations is sticking by its apocalyptic visions.

"He really is coming back any day now," said Pastor Stan Smith of the Ultra-Jubilation Full Gospel Cash-Only Church of West Johannesburg.

He conceded that Christians "have been saying that for 2,000 years", but insisted that the signs of a Second Coming were currently overwhelming.

"Look, we’ve got earthquakes in Indonesia, war in the middle east, and Margaret Brown's nose has started bleeding again just before the collection plate goes round," he said.

"I know skeptics and atheists and Jews will say they've had earthquakes in Indonesia for 5,000 since the world was created; and yes, they've had wars in the Middle East for centuries, because of the Jews and Moslems and that.

"But we don't think we can overlook Margaret's nosebleeds on this issue."