Hayibo.com - SABC says Snuki Zikalala suspended, nobody believes SABC

SABC says Snuki Zikalala suspended, nobody believes SABC

JOHANNESBURG. Only nine of South Africa's 47 million people say they believe Tuesday's announcement by the national broadcaster that it has suspended head of news Snuki Zikalala. The widespread skepticism has been blamed on Zikalala himself, whom insiders say left the SABC with "the credibility of a sideshow freak reading palms".

The South African Union for Palm-Reading Sideshow Freaks has responded to the statement with outrage.

Meanwhile insiders have confirmed that the nine people who believe the SACB board's statement about the suspension of Zikalala include six board members, a cleaning woman named Precious (who was called in to make up a quorum) and Precious's 5-year-old daughter, Noxolo.

Reacting to the news that its statement had not been believed by 46,999,991 people, the SABC board said it would issue a standard denial shortly, which would outline its denial that it had ever denied that Zikalala, or anyone else, had ever denied that they had denied being suspended, or something.

It confirmed that both Precious and Noxolo had witnessed and initialed the pro-forma pre-emptive denial.

While experts agree that there is a less than 0.03 percent chance of knowing the truth about Zikalala's situation, "given that the SABC, and especially Zikalala's news division, speaks directly out of its lower intestine", they all agreed that his departure would play havoc with the SABC's programming schedule.

"If Mr Zikalala goes we're probably going to have to freeze production on at least five documentaries that were in the pipeline," said head of programming Hymen Liebestein.

He said that these included 'Robert Mugabe and How He Painted the Sistine Chapel', 'Robert Mugabe and How He Wrote Hamlet', 'Helen Zille and How She Invaded Poland in 1939', and the long-awaited personal portrait of President Thabo Mbeki, 'Robert Mugabe and Why I Wish He Was My Dad'.