Hayibo.com - Nintendo launches Wii Sex console

Nintendo launches Wii Sex console

NEW YORK. Gaming giant Nintendo has unveiled its latest offering in the handheld console market, the Wii Sex. Launching the fully interactive digital sex simulation, a company spokesman said, "It is extremely unlikely that anyone who uses a Wii has ever had, or will ever have, sex, so this is a perfect opportunity to introduce them to the joys of lovemaking."

The new console, which was presented to the media at Nintendo's Manhattan headquarters this morning, measures just over six inches in length and sports a rosy knob on the end.

Spokesman Stan Flintlock told gathered journalists that the company believed Wii Sex would fit snugly into a niche in the market.

"We know our consumers, and we know that they aren't having sex," he said.

"In fact, they're not really having any physical contact of any sort with other people."

However, he said, it was this gaming culture that would underpin the future success of Wii Sex.

"What is the one thing that all experienced gamers are good at doing?

"The answer is obvious: playing with themselves.

"That's all gamers do. They play with themselves all day long. So what better way to introduce them to exquisite, private pleasures of sex than with an animated partner of their choice, taking flat-screen passion to the limit?"

Critics of the gaming industry have long insisted that the Wii – a sensory device that translates physical action into digital game-play – is undermining international efforts to get children and young adults to take up physical activity to help fight obesity.

But Flintlock pre-empted criticism of Wii Sex, saying that as a middle-aged games enthusiast he could testify to the fact that some sex, however lonely and awkward it would inevitably be given the constraints of the console, was better than none at all.

"Waving your arm around can get really tiring," he said. "Research has shown that if you flex your wrist nine hours a day for 34 years, you can burn the same amount of fat you would lose running half a marathon."

Asked if Wii Sex would be marketed to non-traditional gamers and people who have had sex at least once, Flintlock said that a wider audience would definitely be targeted.

"We've already convinced a lot of sensible non-gamers that Wii can be used as an exercise device. That's like selling crack to moms to use as a milk formula.

"If they'll buy that, they'll buy anything."