October 2008 | Vol 1 | Issue 42
Judges vow to stand by Motata, will drive drunk and swear at witnesses
JOHANNESBURG. As investigators begin their inquest into the alleged drunk-driving case of Judge Nkola Motata, his colleagues have vowed to show solidarity by getting extremely drunk, crashing their Jaguars through suburban walls, and then swearing at and racially abusing any witnesses who happen to try to help them out of their wrecked cars.
Chanting "Hakuna Motata!" and "Don't Jag Nkola's name through the mud!", Motata's friends in the judiciary told journalists outside the Supreme Court that they planned to stand by their colleague by re-enacting his exploits, to give the South African public a glimpse of "the man behind the steering wheel in the shrubbery".
According to protest leader Judge Solomon 'Chopper' Vilakazi, about a dozen judges had agreed to take a stand for the reputation of their colleague "some time next week, probably in the small hours of Saturday morning, in the suburbs of Johannesburg".
"Nkola's drunkenness is still only an allegation," said Vilakazi. "Nothing has been proved, so we will leave it up to each judge's discretion as to whether or not he wants to get completely rat-arsed on expensive whisky paid for by the South African taxpayer."
However, he added, a quick show of hands had suggested that "most of the guys" would opt for this form of protest.
He said that the judges would then drive their luxury cars through likely looking vibrocrete walls, and hurl slurred abuse at whoever came to their aid.
"We will stand by our friend," said Vilakazi. "Or lie down next to him. Or vomit in the gutter beside him. Or whatever else he needs us to do."
Judge John Hlope, currently embroiled in the Ginwala Commission, was not available for comment, but a spokesman said it was unlikely that he would attend the protest, or send a surrogate to drive through a wall in his place.
"Judge Hlope is very busy at the moment, and while he stands by his colleagues in the judiciary, no matter which politician they answer to, he has more important matters to attend to at the moment."
The spokesman said that these matters included "looking as if he making an important call on his cellphone whenever a camera is on him, and preparing massive lawsuits against the whenwees in the media who keep calling him 'Shlorpee'."
"It's Hlope, okay? Not Shlorpee, not Lorpy, not Huh-lorpee. Hlope."
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