November 2008 | Vol 1 | Issue 47
Motlanthe chosen for ability to stroke beard just like Mbeki
PRETORIA. ANC members and opposition parties have welcomed the appointment of Kgalema Motlanthe as interim President, saying that his little white beard will help ease the transition between Thabo Mbeki and Jacob Zuma. Meanwhile Zuma has confirmed that it was Motlanthe's beard, and his ability to stroke it in a reassuring manner, that won him the coveted position.
The appointment of Motlanthe has calmed many South Africans who were in shock after the weekend's dramatic resignation by Mbeki, a move many analysts believe was triggered by persistent allegations that Mbeki's white beard was starting to look threadbare.
Mbeki's beard first came to prominence during negotiations with the Nationalist regime in Dakar in 1985, when then State President PW Botha was so impressed by its fine texture and resolute springiness that he tried to grow one himself.
The attempt was unsuccessful, and Botha reportedly tried to hide the failure by shaving off the lush moustache of his Minister of Foreign Affairs, Pik Botha, and gluing it onto his own chin as a beard substitute.
Mbeki's beard was once again in the headlines in 1992 when it was widely credited with ending the threat of a right-wing insurgency against democratic elections. In a meeting with AWB leader Eugene Terre'blanche, Mbeki's beard impressed with its distinguished streaks of gray, while Terre'blanche's beard was widely condemned for looking like a pubic wig stapled to his jowls.
Speaking to the media in Pretoria this morning ANC spokesman Handpuppet Mxenge denied that there was bad blood between Mbeki and Zuma.
"Just because Comrade Mbeki has a slightly moth-eaten beard and Comrade Zuma has a sexy hot-chocolate dome and the skin of a man half his age doesn't mean that they are not both committed to the revolution," said Mxenge.
He said that Mbeki remained a valued member of the ANC, whose talents as an academic and intellectual would be invaluable when the time came "to tutor our next Youth League President in his quest to pass Grade 9 on the second try".
Meanwhile Zuma has deflected questions about his own clean-shaven appearance, saying that he did not want to detract from Motlanthe's beard.
"Every single cadre in the ANC is capable of growing a beard," he said.
Asked if this applied to women cadres as well, he said that he refused to discriminate.
However he said he would be "very surprised if they couldn't" and urged Speaker Baleka Mbete to grow a "real old-school Moses tash just to prove the racists wrong".
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