Hayibo.com - White South Africa torn apart by Hofmeyr-Huisgenoot row

White South Africa torn apart by Hofmeyr-Huisgenoot row

PRETORIA. Trauma counselors say white South Africans are being "torn apart inside" by the feud between Steve Hofmeyr and Huisgenoot editor Esmaré Weideman. Hofmeyr emptied a cup of tea over Weideman's head earlier this week, causing millions of white South Africans to run to their room, lock the door, and beg Mammie and Pappie to stop fighting.

The incident, which received widespread media coverage, took place at a restaurant at the Lost Palace in Sun City during the Miss South Africa pageant. According to organizers, both Hofmeyr and Weideman had been invited as they both embodied the style, class and sophistication that Sun City and the pageant represented.

According to reports in the national media Hofmeyr walked up to Weideman and emptied a cup of cold tea over her head.

It is not yet clear whether this was a response to a series of articles in Huisgenoot about his infidelities, or whether it was a statement about the gutter press in general and photo essays about one anorexic's quest for lasting love with her childhood sweetheart after his face was reconstructed after being chewed off by a pitbull terrier on his parents' smallholding on the East Rand.

According to witnesses the tea was cold because Hofmeyr had spent most of the morning glaring at Weideman while trying to think of something cutting to say to her.

"He wrote down about twenty options on a napkin," said Lost Palace guest Chrizelda Voorlaaier.

"At first he was going to say, 'Hello, Esmaré, you must be Joko-ing', but he probably thought it was too subtle and would go straight over the head of someone who edits Huisgenoot."

According to Voorlaaier, Hofmeyr finally settled on "Nobody writers crapper articles than you and Five Roses", although it is unknown whether or not he actually said this while dribbling the cold tea over Weideman's perm.

Meanwhile the row has pulled the rug out from under white South Africans, and trauma counselors across the country say they have been swamped with pleas from desperate whites who feel that the moral and cultural foundations of their world are crumbling.

"Steve Hofmeyr and Huisgenoot are the Alpha and Omega for millions of white people in this country," said counselor Cadenza Mbete. "In many ways they are parent figures."

She said that "Father Steve" and "Mother Huisgenoot" had taught white South Africa most of what it knew.

"He taught us that the sky is the limit as long as you leak your personal life to the media at strategic moments and do a middling Neil Diamond impression.

"And Huisgenoot taught us that most of the country's problems are caused by Satanists and feminists, and that the two greatest moments in any woman's life are when she produces her first son and self-publishes her first book of inspiration poems."

She said that when these two "primal caregivers and mentors" fought, the trauma would be immense.

"It's just so sad," she said. "So incredibly sad."