Hayibo.com - Mbeki rejects comeback, happy to focus on career as romance novelist

Mbeki rejects comeback, happy to focus on career as romance novelist

PRETORIA. Former President Thabo Mbeki says he has no desire to return to power now that his name has been cleared, adding that he is content in his new life as a writer of romance novels. Mbeki's "Lust in the Dust" series of steamy romances all feature a tall and muscled Robert Mugabe seducing a handsome young Marxist intellectual called Thabo Mbuli.

Mbeki was ousted as President last year after a judge found that if he stayed in power much longer he was likely to inflict at least five more unreadable biographies on the public.

However this week his name was cleared as the High Court of Appeal ruled that Mbeki had not been responsible for his literary actions, thanks to hundreds of specifically appointed professional sycophants whose job it had been to tell him that he was a titanic writing talent.

But the deposed leader says he has no intention of trying to return to power.

According to his spokesman, Kowtow Vilakazi, the former president is content in his new life.

"Comrade Mbeki has found a new bliss," said Vilakazi. "He is living the artist's life.

"He wakes up with the dawn, has breakfast, writes a romance novel, goes for a walk down to the bottom of the garden, smells the flowers, listens to the electric fence crackling, then goes back inside and writes another romance novel.

"Then it's supper, tooth-brushing, and time for bed. Usually there's a quick good-night phone call to Harare, and then he writes one more romance novel before lights out."

He said that Mbeki was currently working on his 167th novel of the "Lust in the Dust" series, and would "probably be finished around tea time today".

The series, which has been heaped with praise by specially hired friends of Mbeki, features the ongoing romance between a muscled and virile Robert Mugabe and a brilliant and handsome young Marxist named Thabo Mbuli.

In each novel Mugabe saves Mbuli from the sexual advances of a hippopotamus, sweeping him up onto his horse before taking him to his summer tent, where he nurses Mbuli back to health by feeding him grapes and outlining his dream of an African Renaissance in which homosexuals are herded into giant cement-mixers and poured into the foundations of Chinese-owned factories from Cape to Cairo.

The series includes such titles as Acacia Geisha, Bushveld Beefcake, Baobab Bob, Take Me Now Because There's No Such Thing As Aids, Stuff My Ballot Box, and When Elephants Battle I Get Horny.

They are not available at any good bookshops.