PRETORIA. Massimo Busacca, the Swiss referee who officiated over Bafana’s loss to Uruguay last night, was said this morning to be “a little tired” after a night spent cowering under his blankets waiting for a machete to split his door open. Soccer pundits have responded that it is probably customary for Busacca to sleep with one eye open as he also appears to referee with only one eye open.
Following South Africa’s decisive 3-0 loss to Uruguay in their second game of the World Cup last night, a nation united by grief has unanimously voted to adopt the Swiss referee as official scapegoat.
“The other option was Diego Forlan,” explained Bafana Supporters’ Association chairperson Revenge Madoda. “But we believe that man has very powerful muti in his alice-band that we don’t want to be messing with.”
Massimo Bussaca, whose name is rumoured to translate into English as ‘Maximum Butt-Sack’, awarded a controversial penalty in the 76th minute after a foul which saw goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune sent off. A lengthy gap ensued, during which time someone in the crowd who once brought on the halftime water-bottles for Kaiser Chiefs volunteered to become the replacement goalie.
“It was really nice of him,” confirmed coach Carlos Parreira. “We weren’t sure if he would fit into Khune’s shoes but as it turns out, they’re both a size ten. So that was a relief.
“And we asked him what he’s doing next Tuesday night, and he said he had plans to go to a braai but he could probably get out of it, so we’re sorted for a keeper for the France match too.”
Large portions of the home crowd began leaving the stands after Uruguayan striker Forlan netted the penalty for Uruguay’s second goal.
They have since been criticised for poor spectator etiquette, but Revenge Madoda explained that this is a misunderstanding of the situation.
“Many of them had arranged to get a lift home with Khune,” he said. “He has a sweet pimped-up kombi and you know what it’s like, when your lift leaves, you have to leave too.”
Since the game, South African police officials have announced that the Swiss referee will be assigned “around-the-clock security”.
“By which we mean that if he agrees to stay in a small holding pen around that big clock in the central courtyard of Sandton Square, no serious harm will come to him,” explained a spokesman.
“If the holding pen happens to have large gaps between the bars, through which a passer-by might want to poke a sharpened stick, or hurl an over-ripe tomato, we probably wouldn’t notice because we’ve got our hands full tracking down FIFA copyright infringements.”
