Outraged patients of a traditional healer plans to sue for malpractice, saying that the healer used the wrong concoction of pickled honey-badger penis and paint-stripper. “I wanted to be cured of bad luck, but something went wrong with his spells and instead I was afflicted with a low bank balance,” said one patient, who wished to remain anonymous.
After the Christian Democratic Party described the DA Students’ Organization poster of two people embracing as a “wave-of-swill”, confused South Africans have asked the party to clarify two issues: whether or not they know how to use hyphens, and where they think babies come from if not from wave-of-swill activities.
Following the deaths last weekend of more than 30 million soldiers in the popular multiplayer video game Battlefield 3, a group of concerned video game characters is lobbying major global military powers to implement stricter regulation of real world violence. The group believes that “excessive, gratuitous, and mostly pointless violence all over the place” is responsible for alarming increases in video game-based violence over the last decade.
As temperatures soar in the Western Cape, Cape Town’s hipsters are struggling to keep cool in a “post-cool” world. According to the city’s hipsters, who are most commonly found clustered around a Vida e or leaning against a graffitied brick wall jamming on their ukeleles, the ongoing heat-wave has left them struggling to cope both physically and conceptually.
As the Republican quest to find a candidate to run against Barack Obama in December’s US Presidential election gets into full swing following last week’s New Hampshire primaries, the writing teams from 1980′s soap operas Dallas and Dynasty have denied suggestions that they have been asked to get involved in scripting the whole process.
As Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, turns 30, and she and Prince William celebrate eight months of marriage, Buckingham Palace has admitted that it is concerned that she remains “a childless husk, almost as if she’s a lesbian or a feminist or once read a book”. However, sources close to the Queen say plans are underway to produce a human-corgi hybrid if necessary.
With the announcement that a new miniseries is to be made about the life of Nelson Mandela, speculation is still rife as to who will play the lead role. Early bets that Morgan Freeman would take it on were quashed this week when the 74-year old actor told producers to “find another old black man in Hollywood this time”. With Sidney Poitier already committed elsewhere, the current frontrunner has become Leonardo di Caprio.
