After the Christian Democratic Party described the DA Students’ Organization poster of two people embracing as a “wave-of-swill”, confused South Africans have asked the party to clarify two issues: whether or not they know how to use hyphens, and where they think babies come from if not from wave-of-swill activities.
As thousands of South African students queued for university registration for the first time this week, their excitement for the prospects of their educational future was palpable. “I’m definitely going to bone her, and her, and her,” said Sebastian Whiteley, pointing to girls in the line. “I might start smoking,” mused Debbie Prom-Swim.
While tensions ran high outside the court where the accused in the Eugene Terreblanche murder trial were appearing, the rhetoric and bigotry plumbed new depths of retardation, prompting experts to describe the town as ‘The Bermuda Triangle of Intelligence’.
The DA Students Organisation on Monday unveiled a controversial new recruitment poster vowing to work tirelessly for a future South Africa in which two consenting adults of different races are permitted to have sexual intercourse. “This is just the beginning,” said DASO councillor Feetus Sprogg. “Next step: benches everyone can sit on.”
Outraged homosexuals and people who have passed grade three have hit out at King Goodwill Zwelithini following a speech in which he described gays as being rotten. One critic of the king suggested that Zwelithini was probably well placed to comment, saying that a grown man who dressed in leopard print skirts, feather hats, elaborate beaded necklaces and who surrounded himself with half naked warriors was probably more of a queen than a king anyway.
Italian sports-car manufacturer Maserati has described as “groundbreaking and chassis-bending” reports that Khulubuse Zuma, who his own gravitational field, was allegedly clocked at 181kmh in his convertible on the weekend. Meanwhile President Zuma’s nephew has defended his driving, saying his was practising for when the workers wise up and he has to get the hell out of Dodge.
Following the deaths last weekend of more than 30 million soldiers in the popular multiplayer video game Battlefield 3, a group of concerned video game characters is lobbying major global military powers to implement stricter regulation of real world violence. The group believes that “excessive, gratuitous, and mostly pointless violence all over the place” is responsible for alarming increases in video game-based violence over the last decade.
