After the Christian Democratic Party described the DA Students’ Organization poster of two people embracing as a “wave-of-swill”, confused South Africans have asked the party to clarify two issues: whether or not they know how to use hyphens, and where they think babies come from if not from wave-of-swill activities.
Government has clarified its position on employing unqualified people, saying that while the SABC could be run by someone without matric – or by a “tik-infused blancmange” – the ANC’s top leaders will still require their airline pilots and heart surgeons to be highly trained. “Jobs-for-pals is great until someone falls out of the sky in a fireball,” explained a spokesman.
Teachers’ union SADTU has slammed the poor quality of the go-slow underway in the Eastern Cape, saying that some teachers are working “almost as fast as snails” in direct violation of SADTU’s call that they work “as fast as bricks”. Meanwhile physicists say they may have witnessed another violation, this time of the Law of Conservation of Momentum, as some teachers cease to move even on a molecular level.
The DA Students Organisation on Monday unveiled a controversial new recruitment poster vowing to work tirelessly for a future South Africa in which two consenting adults of different races are permitted to have sexual intercourse. “This is just the beginning,” said DASO councillor Feetus Sprogg. “Next step: benches everyone can sit on.”
Italian sports-car manufacturer Maserati has described as “groundbreaking and chassis-bending” reports that Khulubuse Zuma, who his own gravitational field, was allegedly clocked at 181kmh in his convertible on the weekend. Meanwhile President Zuma’s nephew has defended his driving, saying his was practising for when the workers wise up and he has to get the hell out of Dodge.
As the Republican quest to find a candidate to run against Barack Obama in December’s US Presidential election gets into full swing following last week’s New Hampshire primaries, the writing teams from 1980′s soap operas Dallas and Dynasty have denied suggestions that they have been asked to get involved in scripting the whole process.
As Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, turns 30, and she and Prince William celebrate eight months of marriage, Buckingham Palace has admitted that it is concerned that she remains “a childless husk, almost as if she’s a lesbian or a feminist or once read a book”. However, sources close to the Queen say plans are underway to produce a human-corgi hybrid if necessary.
