CAPE TOWN. Leading websites News24.com, Moneyweb and the Sunday Times have confirmed that they are considering a range of new websites tailored specifically to the needs of the racists who overwhelm their comments section. “Dis iz apatheit!” screamed user IdiAminWuzRight, while Voortrekker1830 commented, “Typikal blak kak, why iz I even still yere in this kuntry?”
According to spokesmen from the three online giants, their servers were being stretched beyond breaking point by the volume of hate speech being posted by users.
“It’s getting a bit silly,” explained one. “You publish an article about a cat that’s adopted a puppy and suddenly it’s a race war.”
User WhiteFright denied that she had over-reacted to the story.
“I’m sorry but I went to University and history has shown that when two species mix you get anarchy. That cat is a traitor to her people and the puppy should have been with its own kind.”
Cracker69 agreed, adding, “Ja I fink dat wot she have say are true de blex are stjoepit we should of neva let nelson mandoza out of jail he are a terrorism.”
According to BikoAK47, the cat and the dog were both puppets of British agents.
“These cats & dogs they are trying to overthro the revlushn,” he explained. “They infilitrate there houses of the black African people and then they spread flees which is carrying PLAGE what is invented by EUROPEAN sientists.”
A spokesman from Moneyweb agreed that it was becoming a problem.
“Look, as the voice of highly conservative, politically and socially intransigent capital, obviously we’ve got a few crusty contributors. But sometimes a drop in the Rand is just a drop in Rand, not a conspiracy by Julius Malema to create a death-ray in outer space that he can aim at Ventersdorp.”
News24.com said that the decision to launch the new race-hate-oriented websites had been a difficult one.
“It’s a tough call to send 80 percent of our users elsewhere,” she said. “It’s been a staple of News24 for years: stick up a headline about a home invasion in Sandton and by 9am you’ve got 15,000 comments explaining why blacks are genetically inclined to criminality.
“But the server just can’t take it anymore.”
They confirmed that the new websites would be specifically tailored to the prejudices and ignorance of various demographics.
According to the new plan, I’mSoGladIMovedToAustralia.com will cater to expatriates who obsessively keep up with current affairs in South Africa to justify their move, while We’llBeZimbabweInFiveYears.com is for white South Africans who firmly believe that the country is doomed but who are too apathetic to try to fix it and too comfortable to move to a country where they might not be able to afford a pool and log-bar.
Meanwhile MindlessVotingFodder.co.za will allow passionate ANC followers to continue persuading each other that they are just clinging on to power by a thread and that service delivery can only start once the ANC has secured a 99 percent majority, possibly by rigging elections in a democratic way.
For those less interested in democracy, DriveTheMlunguDevilsIntoTheSea.net will be the online home for angry young urban black men who can’t get girls to talk to and have decided it is the fault of white capital, colonialism and Helen Zille.
“That’s the problem with freedom of speech,” explained a spokesman. “Speech is free because most of the time it’s worthless.”
