Outraged patients of a traditional healer plans to sue for malpractice, saying that the healer used the wrong concoction of pickled honey-badger penis and paint-stripper. “I wanted to be cured of bad luck, but something went wrong with his spells and instead I was afflicted with a low bank balance,” said one patient, who wished to remain anonymous.
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As the Republican quest to find a candidate to run against Barack Obama in December’s US Presidential election gets into full swing following last week’s New Hampshire primaries, the writing teams from 1980′s soap operas Dallas and Dynasty have denied suggestions that they have been asked to get involved in scripting the whole process.
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South Africa has invited Asian rhino-poaching syndicates to hunt the country’s 9,000 super-rich tax dodgers instead. According to zoologists, the tax cheats – who rob the country of R48-billion a year – have souls that are made of a hard, knotted hair-like substance that is almost identical to rhino horn, and which contains a secret pheromone known as ‘money’ that acts as a powerful aphrodisiac.
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The South African government has defended its plan to send unauthorised weather forecasters to prison, saying that weather, like poor people, was very susceptible to suggestion and didn’t need much provocation to indulge in violent, attention-seeking behaviour. “Nobody wants to see a storm in a teacup turn into a typhoon in Diepsloot,” said a spokesman.
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As Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, turns 30, and she and Prince William celebrate eight months of marriage, Buckingham Palace has admitted that it is concerned that she remains “a childless husk, almost as if she’s a lesbian or a feminist or once read a book”. However, sources close to the Queen say plans are underway to produce a human-corgi hybrid if necessary.
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Scorpio Oct 24 – Nov 21 You are extremely sensual and sexual, which has led to a long string of sizzling affairs rather than any meaningful relationships. In polite company this... Read more
With the war in Iraq two years old and home-front morale flagging, US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld went on a charm offensive in Washington, launching the ill-fated “We’re... Read more
