Outraged patients of a traditional healer plans to sue for malpractice, saying that the healer used the wrong concoction of pickled honey-badger penis and paint-stripper. “I wanted to be cured of bad luck, but something went wrong with his spells and instead I was afflicted with a low bank balance,” said one patient, who wished to remain anonymous.
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With the announcement that a new miniseries is to be made about the life of Nelson Mandela, speculation is still rife as to who will play the lead role. Early bets that Morgan Freeman would take it on were quashed this week when the 74-year old actor told producers to “find another old black man in Hollywood this time”. With Sidney Poitier already committed elsewhere, the current frontrunner has become Leonardo di Caprio.
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IFP leader Mangosuthu Buthelezi’s call for South African’s to embrace a common dream has met with a muted response, with many confused countrymen asking if ‘sharing a dream’ was a fancy way of asking them to sleep with him or if it was just an excuse to explain how he spent his time in parliament.
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As the ANC celebrated its 100th birthday on Sunday, close relatives say that the party’s dementia is getting worse, and that it is now entirely incontinent and constantly pissing on the poor. Meanwhile baboons have reacted angrily to Julius Malema’s allegations, while Helen Zille also wants to be escorted by a gaggle of chubby guerillas. Read our full Mangaung wrap-up here…
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The Department of Education has declared last year’s matric examinations a massive success after a record-breaking 70 percent of candidates managed to get 30 percent of their answers correct. “That’s how we’re selling it,” explained a spokesman. “It sounds a lot better than saying that 70 percent of matrics got 70 percent of the answers wrong.”
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Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 22 Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on my mom for smoking all that crack when she was pregnant. Read more
With the war in Iraq two years old and home-front morale flagging, US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld went on a charm offensive in Washington, launching the ill-fated “We’re... Read more
