PRETORIA. One time Cope leader and future Big Issue salesman Mbhazima Shilowa has followed up on his call to potential voters not to go to the polls on 18 May by asking the IEC if they would consider counting all those who don’t vote as being in favour of his party.
Shilowa has called on his supporters not to vote in the election as a way of protesting the IEC’s decision to recognise the Mosiuoa Lekota faction of Cope and not the Shilowa faction.
Quite how the IEC managed to recognise either faction is unclear, although sources close to the organisation suggested that a powerful electron microscope had probably been employed.
“It’s amazing what you can do with science,” said IEC spokesperson, Monitor Lizard, who conceded that modern medicine and physics were becoming increasingly prevalent in politics.
“The IFP have successfully employed time travel,” he said, noting that the party had managed to bring clones of their 250 year old leader, Mangosuthu Buthelezi, back from the future.
Lizard added that the ANC had also taken science to heart by adapting the laws of conservation of energy to their own ends in proving that money cannot be created or spent only passed between friends and family in brown paper envelopes and suitcases.
When asked if the IEC would entertain Shilowa’s request, Lizard said it was unlikely. “Together Shilowa and Lekota have overseen the quickest fall from grace in South Africa since Titch Mataz disappeared from 5FM,” he said, “and frankly we would prefer to have nothing to do with them.”
However he conceded that if the numbers made sense they may just agree with Shilowa’s proposal in the hope that it would all go away quietly.
Asked to clarify what he meant by ‘if the numbers made sense’, Lizard said that if there were only 12 registered voters who didn’t show up at the polls they would gladly credit that number to Shilowa’s account. “Anything more than that would probably be pushing it,” he said.
Meanwhile Mosiuoa Lekota could not be reached for comment on his former ally’s proposal. He was reportedly sitting in the back of a Kombi in the parking lot of the Thaba Nchu Spar, using a Koki to stencil slogans onto a pile of election posters.
