South Africa’s already overburdened health system has been stretched further by the outbreak of a serious epidemic of World Cup Fatigue. Hundreds of people have been admitted to hospital after exhibiting symptoms which include compulsive yawning.
Local World Cup kingpin Danny Jordaan has locked himself in his toilet and is refusing to come out after an aide accidentally told him that 100 days is just over three months. Jordaan was apparently under the impression that he had “loads of time” before the World Cup kick-off. A team of plumbers has been called to the scene.
PRETORIA. The Competition Commission says it will investigate South Africa’s major airlines after they noticed ticket prices during the World Cup were noticeably higher. An airline spokesperson said it was unclear why they were being targeted when everything else in the country was uniformly expensive during the football showpiece. Hotels, car and house rentals and [...]
JOHANNESBURG. A knife-proof vest being marketed to British tourists as a must-have item at the 2010 World Cup has been slammed by the South African government, which says it is completely pointless as most tourists killed will either be shot or run over by taxis. However, the country has recommitted itself to killing as few [...]
As the last stray Minstrels are tear-gassed and strip-searched for plastic ukuleles in Cape Town and Hillbrow continues to burn, South Africa’s leading politicians and celebrities have a drawn up lists of New Year resolutions for 2010. Read on for the full list of lists. Jacob Zuma 1. Try to learn all wives’ names. Are [...]
CAPE TOWN. As the world’s attention focuses on Cape Town for Friday’s 2010 World Cup draw, locals are asking why it takes a soccer tournament before police are mobilised en masse, with angry residents saying they expect to be protected from crime all the time, not just when Sepp and Becks are in town. The [...]
PRETORIA. The South African government has confirmed that bulls will be slaughtered at all World Cup stadiums ahead of the 2010 football extravaganza, but has denied reports that the slaughter will be a purification ritual. Instead, it says, the mass slaughter will be a symbolic acting out of the national team’s World Cup campaign. The [...]
