Hayibo

PIETERMARITZBURG. Jacob Zuma’s camp has asked his militant supporters to show restraint until after the 2010 World Cup so as not to endanger the staging of the event. However once the event was over, said a spokesman, “cadres should feel free to uphold democracy in whatever manner they choose, using whichever projectiles and flammables come [...]

PRETORIA. As the costs of hosting the 2010 World Cup continue to soar, the South African government has offered to pay Germany to host the sporting showpiece. According to a government spokesman, the deal would see the South African taxpayer handing over around R20 billion, for which Germany has promised to host “an authentic and [...]

BERCHTESGADEN. World football’s governing body FIFA has warned the South African government to televise more images of happy black people or risk severe penalties ahead of 2010′s World Cup. According to a spokesman, FIFA had made it clear from the start that South Africa’s bid was contingent on the amount of airtime dedicated to topless [...]

UPINGTON. The conservative and predominantly white community of Lamtietie in South Africa’s Northern Cape province is in uproar this week after local prophet Jeremiah “Siener” Poggenpoel had a dream in which he claims to have seen the end of white rule in the country “as soon as 2010″. Poggenpoel, who began having visions as a [...]

ACCRA. As the 26th African Cup of Nations tournament gets under way in Ghana, a fired-up South African football team has committed itself to new progress goals, upping its targets from 2007’s ‘Abject’ to a more aggressive ‘Pitiful’ in 2008. However, the South African Football Association were quick to add that the national team would [...]