Hayibo

PRETORIA. Reports that a luxury sedan belonging to ANC Youth League leader Julius Malema was broken into have thrown the organization into disarray. According to ANCYL insiders, the discovery that Malema drives a Mercedes and not a traditional BMW has left cadres feeling betrayed, and many are calling for Malema to be disciplined for breaking [...]

PRETORIA. The ANC says the disbanding of Scorpions will help prop up a police force buckling under a spiraling caseload. According to the Ministry of Safety and Security there are 138,000 police officers in the country, of whom 137,000 are dedicated to clearing roads and pavements ahead of ANC motorcades, leaving only 1,000 offers to [...]

JOHANNESBURG. Responding to statements by ANC Youth League president Julius Malema that the League was willing to kill for Jacob Zuma, the Democratic Alliance’s Youth League has sent an equally chilling warning to foes of DA leader Helen Zille, saying that its members are “willing to phone ADT to walk Ms Zille from her car [...]

PRETORIA. In one of his first policy statements in months, South African president Thabo Mbeki says he has never had any prior knowledge about anything, of any kind, regarding anything to do with the issue of anything, ever. He also repeated his claim that sinister forces were at work on the country, and named these [...]

PRETORIA. The ruling African National Congress has explained that president Thabo Mbeki has not yet visited sites of xenophobic violence because security experts fear he might be targeted by angry mobs. Mbeki has spent a total of 19 days in South Africa since 2002, and according to a presidency spokesperson most citizens now believe him [...]

PRETORIA. After last weekend’s claim by Jacob Zuma that the ANC is exclusively endorsed by God, party theologians have confirmed that opposition leader Helen Zille is “probably the Antichrist”. Speaking to media at Luthuli House, a spokesman said that as leader of the opposition, Zille was “fomenting a direct assault on God by Satan’s minions”. [...]

PRETORIA. Having told his supporters in October that the ANC would “rule until Jesus returns”, party president Jacob Zuma has admitted that he is concerned by the claims of various fundamentalist Christian groups that the Messiah is likely to return some time this year, ending ANC rule before the 2009 election. “Obviously at this point [...]