Hayibo

The Young Communist League and ANC Youth League have condemned statements made by Poefies, a white bitch from Brakpan, who reportedly called Floyd Shivambu a “woof grrrr”. Meanwhile the five-year-old Maltese poodle has gone underground, apparently accidentally, after chasing a squirrel into a drain.

Parliament has confirmed that up to thirty MP’s have been rushed to hospital complaining of a “crushing weight on their consciences” after mishearing news of the return of satire site Hayibo.com on Friday. “Someone in the Parliamentary computer lab screamed, ‘Hayibo! It’s back!’,” explained a spokesman. “We kind of thought ‘it’ was the Arms Deal probe and some cadres experienced service delivery protests in their aortas.”

Jacob Zuma has moved quickly to diffuse controversy around an alleged affair his alleged second wife had with an alleged man. Zuma, who is allegedly president and who has allegedly fathered up to 21 children, some with his wives, explained that when wives cheated they were “whore-demons” while when he did it he was just “restocking the Youth League”.

Insults, accusations of racism, and warm fresh feces are flying in Khayelitsha in the ongoing dispute over open toilets after relations between the Democratic Alliance and the ANC Youth League reportedly bottomed out.

The ANC Disciplinary Committee that passed judgement on Julius Malema have admitted to getting the idea of Anger Management classes after watching the hit film starring Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler on eTV on Sunday night. A spokesperson for Malema said the Youth League leader was relieved that eTV had not been showing ‘Terminator’.

Just hours after Julius Malema announced that R2-million had been offered for his assassination, the ANC Youth League confirmed that a package containing a Rubik’s Cube and several other logic games had been intercepted en route to Malema’s office. “This racist Rubik, he is trying to make Julius’s head explode,” said a spokesman.

The ANC Youth League has announced a list of safe words and topics for millionaire white boer journalists and opposition party whore-bags to use while indulging in Satanism, promiscuity, Satanic promiscuity, or racist promiscuous Satanism. Amongst the safe words and topics are kittens, rainbows and unicorns.