PRETORIA. The ANC has hit back at a new study slating the quality of education being received by South African primary school pupils, saying that they are being taught everything they need to know. “All that our kids need to know are the letters A, N, and C,” said a spokesman. “And the letter X, [...]
PRETORIA. South African power company Eskom says it is willing to lower its proposed tariff hike from 34 percent to 33 percent, but says in return for the compromise it wants the country’s first-born children. Meanwhile it has admitted that budget cuts have forced it to use “new but slightly less effective” generating technologies, such [...]
NEW YORK. African American children throughout the United States have greeted Barack Obama’s electoral victory with tears and bewilderment. According to fifth grade teacher Shirley Williams, black children “dared to dream that one day they would be the first African American president of the US. Now the dream has gone belly up.” “Rosa Parks, Malcolm [...]
LONDON. New household sanitizers such as Easy Off Bang and Mister Muscle kill 99.8 percent of all known germs, but scientists say the remaining 0.2 percent could cut a swathe through suburban populations, killing hundreds of millions of children who have unwittingly played soccer, touched a golden retriever, licked their fingers, or hugged their father. [...]
PALM BEACH. 1980s killing machine Airwolf, once the master of global airspace in the capable hands of Stringfellow Hawk and ageing sidekick Dominic Santini, has been discovered in Palm Beach, Florida, performing at birthday parties for the children of the rich and famous. The helicopter gunship is widely credited with bringing down the Soviet Union, [...]
