As South Africans mourned the death of democracy following ‘Black Tuesday’, Democracy woke up on Wednesday, stretched, and made itself some scrambled eggs. “I’m fine,” it said in response to queries about its health. “I mean, I get the odd flu, but I find Echinaforce really helps. Why?”
A catchy new struggle song, ‘Shoot the politician’, has been hailed by the 20-million South African voters who get nothing in return for their vote. “If ‘Shoot The Boer’ refers to a struggle against a corrupt anti-democratic system rather than being a call for genocide, then MP’s won’t have a problem if we sing ‘Shoot the politician’,” explained a spokesman. “Ain’t democracy a bitch?”
The ANC has locked Jacob Zuma back in his gimp dungeon and reinserted his gag ball after he told poverty-stricken voters in the Western Cape to vote out ruling parties who failed to deliver services and kept them poor. “Is he f***ing insane?” screamed one horrified National Executive Committee (NEC) member. “Next thing he’ll be tackling government corruption!”
CAPE TOWN. Parliament has urged Cape Town drivers not to be angered by the closure of various major roads into the city, saying that ten-kilometer traffic jams and two-hour delays were symbolic of South Africa’s legislature. “That’s Parliament in action,” said a spokesman. “You take a functioning society and make it grind to a halt [...]
JOHANNESBURG. Factory worker Primrose Mvela celebrated fourteen years of democracy in post-apartheid South Africa yesterday by making her 168th repayment to a leading furniture dealership. According to Mvela democracy has brought the gift of lounge suits. “Now I have the right to be in as much debt as white people,” she told reporters. According the [...]
HARARE. Zimbabwe’s police say they are ready to defend democracy at all costs during Saturday’s election, even if it means shooting voters or blowing up polling stations. Police chief Papsmear Motombo says his officers have also been thoroughly briefed on how to avoid embarrassing incidents. “You shoot the reporters first,” he told observers. International monitors [...]
CAPE TOWN. Outspoken opposition politician Patricia de Lille has vowed to fight the screechiness in her voice, saying that her harpy-like timbre represents a “serious obstacle to democracy” in South Africa. De Lille made the announcement in her soundproof office, in the basement of her Parliamentary compound. Asked how she intended to mellow her ferocious [...]
