JOHANNESBURG. A knife-proof vest being marketed to British tourists as a must-have item at the 2010 World Cup has been slammed by the South African government, which says it is completely pointless as most tourists killed will either be shot or run over by taxis. However, the country has recommitted itself to killing as few [...]
JOHANNESBURG. Rejoice Mabudafhasi, one of the latest Ministers to be outed as having spent almost R1-million on a luxury German car, used to be called Whatever Mabudafhasi but reportedly changed her name to Rejoice when she learned that she was about to enter Government and be given official permission to spend money that wasn’t hers [...]
PRETORIA. The South African government has played down its involvement in an oil-for-food scandal involving Saddam Hussein, instead asking the public to recognize the major strides it has made in its bargaining skills since 1994. “Oil-for-food is a major improvement on the gold-for-cowry-shells deals we did in 1995,” explained a spokesman. According to the Sunday [...]
DALLAS. The manufacturers of waterboards have asked the US government for a rescue package of $16-billion as a crumbling economy and a “Disney president” continue to squeeze the torture industry. This morning a spokesman said that waterboard manufacturers were “going under”. “At the moment it feels like we’re drowning,” he said. However spokesman Bob Gargle [...]
PRETORIA. The South African government says that its latest crime statistics are disturbing, and that it fully intends to do something about crime, at some point in the future, possibly closer to 2010. According to a spokesman, the Minister of Safety and Security was “deeply shocked” by the latest figures, and would “need time to [...]
PRETORIA. The South African government has defended Labour Minister Membathisi Mdladlana, saying his comments about Chinese citizens did not reflect that he was racist but rather that he was “medically an imbecile”. It conceded that Mdladlana had been “completely unhinged” since well before he declared Zimbabwe’s 2005 election to be free and fair. This week [...]
PRETORIA. The South African government has rejected a warning by the United Nations that creating refugee camps would be a mistake. “Just because something is a mistake, is that a reason not to try?” said a spokesman at Luthuli House. “This government has a long and proud history of going ahead with plans that were [...]
