President Jacob Zuma, responding to Julius Malema’s statement on Monday that former president Thabo Mbeki was the “best leader ever”, has docked the ANC Youth League leader’s pocket money and cut his weekly pornography allocation. Malema sought yesterday to minimise damage by clarifying that Zuma remained superior via the principle of “first is the worst, second is the best”.
JOHANNESBURG. FIFA have moved quickly in response to South Africa’s request that Nelson Mandela be able to watch the entire opening game of the World Cup by confirming that the tournament opener between the hosts and Mexico would be reduced to 15 minutes.
JOHANNESBURG. In a pre- World Aids Day ceremony held last night at Nelson Mandela Square in Sandton, statues of Thabo Mbeki and Manto Tshabalala-Msimang were erected next to Nelson Mandela, honouring them for their role in the fight against Aids. The humanitarian award was made by the Bootlickers Trust, an organisation made up of Mbeki [...]
PRETORIA. Former South African president Thabo Mbeki says that swine flu is caused by poverty and not by pigs, and says he has never personally known anyone who has died from the disease. Meanwhile Jacob Zuma’s camp says that science has shown that swine flu is the product of unnatural sex between species that should [...]
PRETORIA. Former President Thabo Mbeki says he has no desire to return to power now that his name has been cleared, adding that he is content in his new life as a writer of romance novels. Mbeki’s “Lust in the Dust” series of steamy romances all feature a tall and muscled Robert Mugabe seducing a [...]
PRETORIA. ANC members loyal to ousted president Thabo Mbeki say if they form a new party, it will be “way better” than the party organized by current ANC leaders, with pumping drum-and-base deejays, a chill room, a large selection of finger snacks and drinks out on the patio, and a grand finale where thousands of [...]
PRETORIA. Thabo Mbeki says his dramatic axing as president of South Africa is an opportunity to spend more time with the man he loves, Robert Mugabe. According to the deposed Mbeki, the celebrity couple are likely to spend their autumn years in Jamaica, drinking pina coladas and writing memoirs that will explain why everything is [...]
