Hayibo

Infernal bureaucrats have apologised to the people of Libya after discovering that the special place reserved in Hell for late dictator Muammar Gaddafi was already occupied by a fornicator from Belgium. “It’s left us a bit red-faced,” said a spokesdemon. “There’s going to be hell to pay for this, figuratively speaking of course.”

South Africa has finally recognised Libya’s rebel council, saying it initially got confused because “they looked like somebody else”. The African Union has also confirmed that they are mere days away from recognising the United States of America as a separatist outpost of the United Kingdom.

The producers of hit reality show ‘The Amazing Race’ have apologised to NATO for unwittingly signing up Muammar Gaddafi and his son Saif al-Islam as a father-and-son team and giving them $100 for the next leg of their journey. Investigators confirmed that the pair escaped in a minicab, “enraging Interpol, but not as much as they enraged the mom-and-gay-daughter team from Kentucky who’d hailed it first.”

The Presidency has denied that Jacob Zuma’s hasty state visit to Norway was an attempt to gain asylum and escape Julius “0% for Zuma” Malema. A spokesman also said that Zuma would never flee the country in a column of armoured cars like the Gaddafi family, mainly because South Africa does not have enough armoured cars for all his wives and children.

As rebels continue to scour Libya for hat collector and military enthusiast, Muammar Gaddafi, the former dictator is reportedly considering promoting himself from Colonel to General in a bid to avoid the tricky performance related questions that rebels are likely to ask him in the event of his capture.

President Jacob Zuma announced last night that he has retracted his nomination of judge Mogoeng Mogoeng for the country’s judicial top spot and is appointing ex-Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi with immediate effect. “It’s the logical outcome,” a spokesperson said. “Muammar needs a job, we have a job, everybody happy, sharp sharp.”

South African president and part time escape artist Jacob Zuma has flown to Libya to help Muammar Gaddafi plot his exit strategy. A spokesperson for the president said that no matter what ideas they came up with, Zuma would be sure to remind the Libyan dictator to turn off the lights and make sure the door didn’t hit him on the way out.