JOHANNESBURG. With World Cup matches currently on hiatus until Friday’s quarter-finals, millions of South Africans have admitted to forgetting what exactly they used to do all day. However, reports of a replacement activity tentatively billed as ‘Work’ have been dismissed by trends analysts as a “passing fad”. “Soccer has stood the test of time for centuries,” said consultant Zeitgeist Ngwenya. “This ‘Work’ craze will pass into obscurity like the hula-hoop and Tamagotchis.”
Millions of people all over South Africa were reportedly wandering the streets aimlessly with their hands in their pockets as the second morning of a two-day World Cup break dawned.
“Rationally speaking, I’m sure that I must have done something before the World Cup,” said Soweto resident Fairplay Kunene, sitting on a pavement chucking little stones down a drain. “But that was years ago. How must I remember? I am not some kind of wizard with a time-machine.”
His words were echoed by countless others. Father-of-two Hansie de Kok, witnessed picking bark off a tree in his garden in a desultory sort of way, said: ‘This morning I was looking in my wallet and in amongst all the ticket-stubs I found this weird business-card with ‘Doctor Hansie de Kok, Chief Cardiologist, Baragwanath Hospital’ printed on it.
“I don’t even know what those words mean. I guess ‘Doctor’ is like Doctor Khumalo, and ‘Chief’ is like Kaiser Chiefs, but put altogether they just don’t seem to make any sense.”
Meanwhile, reports continue to circulate about a stand-in pastime adopted by some out of desperation.
“We’re calling it ‘Work’,” announced Zeitgeist Ngwenya. “From the Latin prefix ‘wuh’ – meaning ‘what the hell’ – and the suffix ‘urk’ – meaning ‘no soccer at all? Not even some shitty Qwa-Qwa Stars game I could pass the time with?’”
CCTV footage has been released from large buildings which appear to have once been used for the processing of pieces of paper and the housing of computer units. The records show a trickle of people trudging through the door before proceeding to attempt to activate the computers by prodding their screens with the bottom-end of discarded South African flags.
“It’ll never catch on,” sighed Ngwenya, shaking his head while viewing the footage. “Look how rubbish it is! I’ve been watching this for an hour and a half, so we’re well into extra time now and I haven’t seen so much as a sniff of a penalty shoot-out.”
“These Work-ers, as they’re known, are the kind of gullible early-adopters who latch on to some seemingly cool new thing without realising that in about a day’s time they’ll look back on it and shudder with embarrassment.”
He added: “I bet they all voted COPE.”
