PRETORIA. President Jacob Zuma says the country should do more to get into the spirit of Women’s Day. According to his spokesman Viagra Tshabalala, Zuma will be using the slogan, ‘Celebrate a woman – get another one free’ to promote Tuesday’s public holiday.
Zuma, who is more experienced at getting married than he is at running a country, said too many good-to-average womenfolk were passing their prime without being afforded the opportunity to honour and obey a man.
Tshabalala called on any and all men who felt they could afford it, to take second wives as soon as possible. “And if you can’t afford it, then spend a night showing one who’s boss. If you give her breakfast and taxi money in the morning then you can tell your friends that you have done your bit for women’s liberation.”
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The DA Ladies League, a group of blue-haired grannies who get together once a month to play bridge and chat about the books they have read, say that they won’t be doing much to mark Tuesday’s Public Holiday. “Our ladies were going to get together to mark the day but they decided they probably shouldn’t,” said spokeslady Muriel Effing-Oldschool. “Toyi-toying and singing in public is no way for a lady to behave – unless she’s at church of course, in which case it’s an entirely different matter.
“And anyway, Tuesday is a week day, so they have to stay at home to let the cleaner in and feed the gardener,” she said.
When asked if they couldn’t sneak out during the middle of the morning to get into the spirit of the day, Effing-Oldschool said it wasn’t possible. “Somebody has to stay at home to make sure the maid doesn’t steal anything,” she said.
She added that as far as the Ladies League was concerned, staying at home with your SUV parked safely in the garage and your hired help working hard to ensure a better life for all, was probably the best way to celebrate being a woman.
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ANC Youth League President Julius Malema has described Woman’s Day as one of the most important days on the South African calendar. Malema said that for the day to have any real meaning other historically disadvantaged groups also needed a day of their own.
“We need a Black Day,” he said, before cautioning, “But it shouldn’t be on a Monday – nobody likes a Black Monday.”
He said that coloureds, Indians, gypsies, Jews, homosexuals and midgets also deserved to get a day of their own.
“Midget Day would do well in February,” he said, “After all it is the shortest month of the year.”
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The ANC Women’s League says they will do their best to issue a statement before the end of the day. A spokesperson for the League says they have been doing their best to make a range of pronouncements on important issues like Aids, famine relief and the global economic crisis but that they have not been able to get a word in edgeways because the Youth League have set up permanent camp in the Media Briefing Room at Luthuli House.
Asked to comment on the situation a spokesperson for Youth League leader Julius Malema said, “What? We’ve got a Woman’s League now? Isn’t that taking things a bit far?”
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And finally, a spokesperon for the Department of Women, Children and Persons with Disabilities confirmed that Monday had been an official school holiday. “It was for the children,” she said, “Tuesday is for the women.”
She added that anybody brave enough to employ a disabled person should not expect them at work on Wednesday, “That’s their day,” she confirmed, adding, “It’s just like the Paralympics, so close to the real event, but nobody pays any attention to it.”
