PRETORIA. The Presidency says it is reassured that trade union federation Cosatu was referring to terms in office and not prison terms when it vowed that President Jacob Zuma “would serve two terms”. Meanwhile a pro-Democratic Alliance trade union for quilters has threatened to make the country ungovernable if Helen Zille is not given two terms in office.
Last week Cosatu chairman and recently elected Grand Deputy Panjandrum of the Revolution, Zwelinzima Vavi, declared that President Jacob Zuma “would serve two terms”.
The statements reportedly upset Zuma, who had been assured by his legal team that they had enough clandestinely recorded telephone conversations to keep him out of court “until Jesus returned”.
Presidency spokesman Pinocchio Vilakazi said that the timing of Vavi’s statements had added to the confusion.
“Last week was a difficult one for the ANC-Cosatu alliance,” he admitted.
“Cosatu had just reiterated their call on us to abolish capitalism and to rebuild the country based on free everything for everyone, plus all the Caramello Bears you can eat; and we had just told them to stop being such chops.
“In that sort of environment statements can be misunderstood.”
However, he said, Zuma had telephoned Vavi and had been reassured that Cosatu wanted Zuma to serve two terms as President and not two jail terms.
Meanwhile a major alliance partner of the Democratic Alliance in the Western Cape has demanded that Helen Zille also serve two terms in office as Premier, and has threatened to make the country ungovernable if its demands are not met.
According to the Quilter’s Guild, which represents the province’s 15-million registered quilters and needlepoint practitioners, Zille is “the right man for the job” and should be allowed to run the Western Cape “with an iron fist in an iron glove” for at least the next ten years.
“We don’t make idle threats,” said Guild spokeswoman Debbi Bohring-Drabb. “Festive commemorative quilts, yes. Pillowcases with pastoral scenes and an uplifting message of your choice, yes. But not idle threats.”
She said any attempt to remove Zille from office would be met with a guerilla campaign of “highly disruptive needlework”.
“We will be everywhere and nowhere,” she warned. “Our vengeance will be terrible, and will probably involve severe nuisance, such as zips that come open in the middle and then won’t re-zip no matter how many times you zip up and down.”
She said if provoked the Guild was also capable of “pure terror”.
“We’re talking flat-out needlework terrorism,” she said. “Samplers with your baby’s name spelled wrong. And the date wrong too. And a cherub with a clubfoot. Do you really want a piece of that kind of horror?”
